Sonata

Loathing in totality, ruminating the faded love

Dazing soulfully at the moon as a peaceful dove

I saw a girl write sad music on a snowy night.

Looking acutely unaware of her comely glow

Running her eyes through the stave so slow

I fantasized the motion of her heartbeat so palpable.

Wearing vivid colourful beads in her hair strands so tight

She had no ray but the rusty dull pallor of an old gas light

I heard her infected fingers dance on the old keys.

Playing a long lost melancholic agony

She made the craving piano moan with melody

I helplessly felt the intensity of her harmony.

     The enchantress leaned on the tool like a musical fool

Blessing the night with her ebony wand just like old school.

My word! The enigmatic sonata forced me drool.

Never had the possession of her demons felt so good

I bumped into the pole, her tunes already swayed my mood.

Oh girl! The mighty emotions! Ain't they your food?

Her tears warned her a lot but she didn't listen

That the gloomy lyrics resting on her lips so glisten

Might ricochet off the walls of her wasted heart.

She lovingly kept on punishing the aged piano

Radiating as much angelic love as she ever could

 And I walked hypnotized with the snowy wind whispering the tales of time.

Doomed!

17 months are over since i took admission in Ipcc and today i want to honestly confess to no one but me, my hand on my heart, my head dropping low with the weight of the devils that stand with temerity on my shoulders having illuminated and fostered me with the likes of carelessness and procastinations that till today i don't know what the hell is service tax, never cared actually(bleh)! 

Having somehow gave my first attempt, a wasted attempt actually, i look forward to the fall for my next attempt. 

Precisely 136 days left to give it all, to sweat it real fetid and bad and to turn my fortune back on. Whatever it is, good or bad, it can't stall me, crank me, drive me into the dark den with loser written in bold on the walls and my inner voices deprecating me for the rest of my life! I only know that a sui generis place belongs to me and i know I'll get there, very soon babe!

I've got nothing to lose, nothing to give but believe me, everything to create. I don't have many friends but that's okay because i don't want to surround myself with people who think unlike, not that they can't have different likes and dislikes, but people who think unlike! Mind it private! Aye Aye captain. Also, some are drones and i hate their useless humming! :P
Call me emotionless, heartless, devoid of sanity, humanity and what not! I've become indifferent to what people think about me. The only thing that drives me nippy is the thought of failure! Its too precious, i can't afford it having come so far, alone! (Phew!) 

I wish the upcoming couple of months behold the roughest and toughest of scenarios. Its actually the flavour of hard times that success melts slowly in my mouth like chocolate coated marshmallows as if literally giving me an orgasm, the one i always crave for!
Fingers crossed! <3

My heart got amputated.

Lies, so many lies, a bunch of lies

Lying across the alley, shouting dark cries

Uttered were they slowly from your pale lips

Crushing my lovely heart like cyanide pills

Lies don’t know, they can’t see, nor can they feel

That my soul is already tarnished silver from before.

What can the eyes see apart from gray then?

Perhaps the snow sitting loose on the fir!

Finally you showed you’re mean since ages now,

But I like to see more of it from you, ciao ciao

The mountains calling me, I have to leave

Next time though, we’ll surely meet!

Again I emerge victorious over your vicious lies

Walking past the rhododendrons, I pick up mine

Smelling the lies, the determined lies, your lies

Because at the end, it doesn’t matter to the lies!

Peace at its top! Wanna go there alone,walk alone, talk alone, sing alone, dance alone!

Bright Dawn

It’s high time now, it’s no time now, the clock is ticking.

Listen to the beat of the bugles, the battleground is calling.

Get ready you witty, the perils wait for you,

This time no shattering, only to strengthen you.

There’s the scent of tension all around

But there’s no hitch which can bound

The pen aspires for your enlightening touch

So show the world that you have so much

Never ever give up, always play your dutiful part.

Life is merely testing to see if you can win hearts.

Don’t give any heed to what your foes say.

Trust in your well-wishers who honestly pray.

Set standards, show your indomitable spirits,

Be a quintessential figure, break the myths.

Even if life bumps you down to the core

Proudly try again saying “Give me more”.

Bright Dawn

Untold Unheard.....

I have often found myself bathing in the plurality of thoughts, some reminding past, some forecasting future while none presenting the present, most of the times. Waiting for someone to pick them up has proved of no use, except their catching the glimpse of rivulet, screaming hesitant negotiation. Yah after all telling it every time from your own aggravates it since you can’t just be leaking everything out to some stranger with pearl eyes watered in grief similar to yours, even if to some extent! Therefore waiting for alien lips to understand it themselves is better; I think so, drawing coherence to myself being  kind of laconic. Patience prevails sullenly and I wait but the question arises “how much?”

These kind of situations aren’t that common since people speak on their own, they discuss their problems with their loved ones and find the burden reduced. They do it the preferable social way while some people handle it on their own or rather try to fix it up, sometimes ending up in frustration, tears, heartbreak, revenge, attitudinal problems, sleeplessness, lack of hunger, lack of guts, lack of money, lack of love and wander what else could go bad- lack of oneself, from what you were then to what you are now, no don’t worry, it’s a sort of after pain, you remorse after the transformation! Some remain where they’ve reached, some return back to where they started from while some are caught in the middle and some even show the world they’re just cool and happy somewhere between the 2 points though they actually aren’t (they seem the best actors of the world to me)!

I remember of someone whom I’d offended a couple of years back and there was all the usual fuss over it, that person, what he/she had gone through really makes me jab myself now, actually I apologized to him/her after a year had passed, a year, literally! I thought I’d asked for apology earlier but according to that guy I hadn’t , so let’s just put it as if I hadn’t and I asked for it later on his/her being actually frustrated at that reminiscence and softly yelling at me as if stealthily asking for it. I now think that had I just talked to him/her or tried to just excavate something out of the brains, I would have done it earlier; Come on, you don’t need a Da Vinci to read remote feelings! And when that person made me realize my mistakes, I became particularly more cautious in this field; I wish some could have been too!

And back to some thoughts (had I been on mercury I’d be a Jupitarian by now!)……

The plurality of thoughts intensifies so much that it takes over my decisions! I then have to eject all the trash out of my system just like we do with our computer and our homes. Our home is ours, it belongs only to us. Imagine someone entering your home forcefully and toying with your things, your valuables, dumping their house’s garbage in yours, would you let that happen ever? No you won’t! Similarly your mind is yours, never let others enter your space and toy with your feelings and impose their whims and fancies on you, never ever allow that. Just close the doors of your mind for any such person or activity like you would have done with those of your home. And coming back to the point, the sharing issues, well, general viewpoint says value your emotions over time (ostensibly), so you may go ahead over a cup of coffee with your loved one. Yes that’ll certainly do the job plus the caffeine! Haha!

I wish that could have done the job for me. People who know me, know well!

By the way, who knows, one day might be sitting in CCD with my Gf! ;) :P

BFF- Silence

Life and Death

I’m an insomniac. Yes I am! Well, coming to the main point, (well I guess it won’t merely be a point to the genuine readers by the time you finish reading this “monsoon ballast”) I want to share a touching experience with all of you.

Time was around half past eleven and outside it was raining like cats and dogs, the electricity ran off before light could beat sound in the skies and I was roaming as usual in my home in the pitch darkness searching for the sofa adjacent to the window so that I could rest in peace before I resumed my usual night reviewing of Direct Taxation. I began to lean thinking of old, good times spent with school friends when I turned back to take a look outside at our poorly maintained garden being washed off sweat of its own by the additional rainwater it borrows from the neighbour’s garden. Till that point of time it didn’t consume much of my attention but the scene I saw next compelled me to ponder on observed yet unseen facts, an outcome of rapid genesis of human psychology clubbed with self-first attitude trailing behind an enigma of ordeal followed by demise of the known and the unknown.

I saw the guava tree lying down looking helplessly at the clouded night sky, which till yesterday was standing tall befriending the chirpers and feeders. It was no more a part of this world, it had left us all. When? When the whole world sleeps, when its dark and black, and agonisingly it escaped silently in the noise of rain without bothering us much!

I’m thinking of the ballast, I used it at the beginning, yes, we all know that rain sprouts new life and cherishes spirits of liveliness and happiness, ummn………… does it not have equal participation in ending life? Nonetheless, you don’t get everything in a single pack, do you? It’s just the damn good life cycle fuelling the planet for ages. Don’t worry, I’m not blaming, surely no dilemma.

What is really saddening and shocking is the sudden departure of living beings, all of a sudden without saying goodbye, without waving hands, without hugging and without saying “thanks a ton, I love you lot”. This sudden act of death certainly attracts attention but not ample realisation at times. Believe me, when I saw the tree dead in an instant, an unknown fear brutally struck inside my heart of losing my loved ones and tears rolled out, yes they did out of the stone!

Look, people come and go, they leave us, respecting the golden rule of life and adopting the grey rule of death, but I wish none of us have to see the day when someone went away without……….., I hope you understood.

Again, rain taught me a worthy lesson, it’s still pouring, paying homage to ones who are no more and the corpse’s still there waiting for everyone to wake up as the sun rises, sparking a new day.

Lastly, Be happy, Live positive, Care and love religiously, Who knows what’s coming up tomorrow! :

AWAY

I wander, you wander
Why the opacity so dark?
Why the mood so saturnine?
To have dared spoil my mate’s milieu
In the sensuous shower, tip-tip,
The romantic breeze playing with her hair.


Her understanding of truth
Was by far concealed by talks                                                    
Originating not from mine but alien lips.
Somehow it was my fault too
To have aggravated the false maxim
By my own actions though never intentions.


Laconic was I that day
To have not untangled
The faint nexus of misapprehensions.
She too ignored the lavender
The afterglow still there
And the ball of fire bidding farewell.


Unfortunately but already known,
She left in the dark shade of her umbrella
Not even turned once to look at the misery,
My misery, wind’s misery, rain’s misery
Do you know how it feels when a thorn prickles one’s heart?
I’ll tell u, it did mine, hence the heart break!


I don’t know if it’ll ever end,
The constant war of thoughts,
The unknown taunts, bloodshed,
Seemingly in pursuit of her last memories
Darn the one hour of fretful sleep
As if indemnifying my past and my future.